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SAMe old stuff [15 Jun 2005|12:00am]
[ mood | frustrated ]

hey.. long time since ive been here.

well i dont know.. things were going great between me and brenda agian.. then i left to go camping.. i missed her so much while i was there.. i wished she had gone.. to see that beautiful sunset and the bright shining stars at night. ""sigh"" but when i came back... she changed... i dont know how or why... but she did. since ive came back (Sunday) she hasent told me "babe or I love you" and she hasent kissed me on the lips. its like... i dont know.. i asked her to be with me like 5 days ago and she told me she'd think about it. i just got tired of waiting... i think she wants to be single so she cant go out to mex and be with other guys not worring about haveing a boyfreind.. but it will most likey be too late if she ends up saying yes when summer is over. what the fuck happend this weekend. im fusturated right now.oh yea.. and she was being a total bitch to me yesterday. and i asked her too "you changed since ive gone camping.. why?" she was like "whatever tony" .... so i guess ill have to see what happends.... :/

2 Souls | Give me your soul

bored [12 Apr 2005|09:39am]
[ mood | mellow ]

hello hello. wells its 9:39am. just dropped off my mom at work. i got a job interview at McDonalds.. yay. hope i get the job. so things are going ok for now. getting better. i guess you can say i still miss someone. its Evan. Evan Mathew Sanchez. yea, brenda's baby. i got so attached to that lil bugga. hmmm... so away from that,

im so tired right now.. i finally got to watch that hbo series " Band of Brothers" its a WWII series. awsome! if your into war and like the movie saving private ryan ... then youll love this.

hm. been talking to some of my old freinds from the high school. so aint that lonely. heh. well i guesss thats all really.

Give me your soul

Experienceing a new life [10 Apr 2005|08:50am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

hmmm... well start off by saying me and brenda are not togehter for good now. to shorten things up... she didnt want me talking to two of my freinds anymore but i still did and she got mad.she didnt like the fact that people would talk shit to me about her but i told her that i would tell them that i loved her and didnt care what the other people said. there will always be people talking shit. we argued pretty good and i told her that i was a father to her son and she told me no i wasent and that julien was better than me.. which is bullshit.. i was with the baby for 5 months of his life... so in all she threw back all the things i did for evan and her. the only good thing that came out from her was "thnks for the good times" hmmm i guess i could go for that. anywho she hurt me pretty good.i guess it ended that worst way possible... but was it for the best.. i dont know. some people have diffrent opinions.

well im going to McDonalds to go apply today. i hope i get the job. WISH WISH.

1 Soul | Give me your soul

long time no talk eh? [02 Mar 2005|09:45pm]
well well... umm im here at brendas house. shes talking on the phone with fabian... shes feeling sick. well.. i dont know anymore.. things are going good i guess... it just sucks cuz we have like a good day and at the end something has to go wrong.. or we have a perfect day and the next its like horrible.. well well... i have really been talking to my freinds much. hmmmm.. i donno why. mabey its cuz im always with brenda. i dont know if thats a bad thing or not. well my cuzin jamie had her baby girl finally... bah my sister went to austin and i didnt even get to go. hope everythings cool over there. well i guess you can say im mad right now. i held brenda in my arms while she was crying cuz she was sick. then i went to go pick up chinesse food for her. came back and put her baby evan to sleep. i try to get a bite of her egg roll and shes all like "thats why i asked you if oytu wanted anything..": u was WTF.. i went to get this shit. i couldnt even get a bite. so i went to go lay down with evan. she comes and asks whats wrong. i say nothing and she says that she was only playing aroung about the whole egg roll thing.. but it was too late for that i guess. so she says " come to the living room to spend time with me." i go to the table.. then move to the big sofa thinking she will lay down with me. no she goes and sits on the small couch. so i give her a hint " no its ok.. dont lay down with me" she says " no one said you cant lay with me." bah so i was like whatever. then shes says " oww my stomach hurts" then fabian calls and of a sudden her stomach pains go away!!! mericals do happend i guess. well i just asked brenda if she was still talking to fabian and she said yes. its been like 45 bmins now.. so like im her b/f and she knows i dont like fabian and yet here she is talking to him while im here. when ever people call me i just say "hey im with my g/f call me later" oh well... i just keep hitting bumbs with her. everytime im mad she tries to turn the story around and put the shit back to me. i dont know.. well i guess ill write later when im at home.. bye
3 Souls | Give me your soul

When will this Chapter in my life END? [30 Jan 2005|01:57pm]
hmmm... well last night was fun... i didnt have shit to do all day so i called up a bunch of people looking for a party or something... i came up dry handed... so i called sabrina and her and her sister were going to buffalo wild wings... so i went.. jon and arran gomez showed up.. it was fun. then brenda called and she came too.. to be honest i still have feelings for her... she called me and said she went to the moveis with a guy named eddie from harlingen.. and he had spent the night at her house cuz they threw him out of the house.. i dont know i was mad.. cuz sopositly she told me she still loves me and misses and here she is going out with this dude... well she came and things went well... we talked about everything today.. so now she likes eddie and she dosent love me anymore.. so now she has eddie ... she was telling me that we wouldnt work and stuff.. it hurt.. but i told her last night that i just want the best for her and i just want her to be happy.. if she feels like she is better off with eddie.. i told her ill leave it at that. and i cant believe she did it to me agian.. she brought me back to liking her agian and she just throws it back in my face.. i dont know what to do anymore.. she was telling me that i cant make up my mind but really its her thats undecided... i think thats house you spell it.. hopefully this chapter is commming to an end soon.. i dont wanna feel like this any longer..
2 Souls | Give me your soul

Wheres the good thats sopose to show when everything turns bad?! [28 Jan 2005|12:41am]
well... i finally put in my 2 weeks notice... god i hate work... hmmm its for the best i think. well brenda has been talking to me and she was telling me that she misses me and she still loves me... bah but i dont want these feelings right now.. not after what she did to me.. its only going to repeat itself... i need to keep myself away from her.. but its hard.. well today she and i were gonna go get our tounges pierced but i had to work!! fucking work.. so she went without me... :( her and her other friends...

heres a question ... i want everyones opinion!!! do you thinks its gay or sexy if a guy has his tounge pierced??? FEEDBACK~!!!

well this weekend i need to party HARD!!! haha... yes... tommorow im gonna try and pierce my tounge... hopefully it succeeds and my mom dosent throw a bitch fit.... haha... hmmmm what else...

well ive been trying to talk to other girls lately to keep my mind off brenda plus i want to meet some new people .... i dont know.. this week had been really suckie ... REALLY.... well i dont know if im gonna show up for work tommrow... :/ i dont want to..
3 Souls | Give me your soul

Things may be looking up... [23 Jan 2005|11:14pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

hmmm.... well this weekend sucked in a good and bad way.. friday i went into work at 11pm and got out at 6:30 saturday... slept till 5. brenda came by with ana, jennifer, gracy and her sister. just talking cuz they were gonna go to mondos party or something... i wanted to go but i couldnt.... i had to go into work again at 11pm... but i could have gone with them for a lil bit but i was taking care of my lil brother. so that sucked even more. hmmmmm..... i went in and around 1am.. everyone from the party went to whataburger!!! it was so fucking packed ... not to mention i was working with ben and chan.. the suckiest people!!! so i was all pissed off.. when that finally ended it was really quite good.. it was just me and chika working.. she this small short lady... people say shes a bitch but you just have to stay on her good side and keep busy... so the graveyard shift went smoothly.. so i got home at 6:30 and went to my grandmas house to eat breakfast. came back and went to sleep at 11. i woke up at 9 and brenda called me like 5 times.. bah... it was funny cuz my sister wanted to answer one of them and say "stop calling him bitch hes asleep." lmao. i thought it was funny. but i told her not to be like that.

so yea its 11:22 and im still up... bored.. lonely.. still.. bah... i think im finally starting to move on... im trying to talk to other people... hmmm... i have to go to the la feria high schooool on tuesday for some testing shit... i dont know.. which means i get to see people and not to mention i have to wake up early.. bah... the horror!!!!haha. well i guess thats all for now...

1 Soul | Give me your soul

Its finally over!!! [18 Jan 2005|10:23pm]
hmmm .... welll the day before yesterday... i was getting phone calls from brenda... she was calling me as if nothing had ever happend... like she wanted to be freinds.. but i would tell her to call me later cuz i dont want to talk to her anyomore... well on sunday... i think... she called me and said she wouldnt call me anymore cuz i would never talk... i was like ok... then we started to argue as usual and stuff... then she was telling me how someone asked her what i had gotten her for christmas. she said nothing ( i didnt have any money.. i just started to work) then they asked what i had gotten her for her birthday.. she said nothing.. ( i had gotten her this real pretty necklace of a heart and a little diamond in the middle... but i returned it after all this shit happend.) so that got me mad so i went to her house and gave back the watch she had given me for christmas.. she was like no you keep it . i said no and she called me an asshole.. then i told her that we shouldnt talk anymore cuz all we do it argue and i end up feeling like shit at the end cuz she blames me for everything. she was like why? i said just becuase and walk away. she was in her car and when i walk off she just raised the music in her car and sat there. then she calls me saying that she wanted to talk to me and that why i walked off... i was like "then why didnt you come and talk when i walked off? you just sat there and listend to your music."
she was like " im not gonna go crying to you and asking you to talk to me.... i know not to do that cuz they just take advantage of you.." i said " well then thats your problem..."
so i said bye and stuff and hung up... so today sabrina tells me that brenda said that she was the one who said that we shouldnt talk... and that i just change the whole story around. omg.. that just made me so mad. but i dont care.... i think she just wants people on her side for some reason..... but im not gonna say anything else cuz it just leads to more problems...
so anywho... the whole brenda thing is over... i dont know if im gonna date in a while... she tore me to pieces and im still trying to gather them up.
2 Souls | Give me your soul

a dark age once again.... [16 Jan 2005|05:56am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

ok... well i broke up with brenda... yea it sucks for me for what she did. feels like she ripped my heart out and handed it to me in a bag. i would tell you the whole long ass story but im too tired from work. ill do it tommrow... so ill give you the short story...

... we were gonna go to the movies , me brenda and maria...., brenda(my ex g/f) saw this guy she hasent seen in along ass time and just ditched my to be with him for like 2 hours... she leaves me hanging with maria while she goes all over harlingen and dragging us with her. and she asks me if im mad... wtf... she canceled our date for this dude not to mention ditching me. so yea i tell her to drop me off .... and goes back to the dudes HOUSE!!! so that pisssed me off... so i text message her freind saying "i dont think me and her are gonna be together".... brenda reads it and thinks i broke up with her... for some reason ... but i didnt i was just mad... so she goes to the guys house and messes around with me and cheats on me!!!! and you know what the crazy part is... SHE BLAMES ME!!! she blames for for her cheating on me and SPENDING THE NIGHT at his house...ME!!! this is what she said " i thought you had broken up with me so i was mad and i messed around with him..." .... now there is some bullshit there..... so like she messed around with another guy when i "Broke up" with her. that just tells you something.... well thats the short story... i guess ill tell you the really really really long story tommrow.. im tired...

to tell you the truth... i was so depressed the first couple of days... cuz i loved her so much... after all the shit she did to me before this... she would be a bitch to me alot and shit... and she would say she would change but she didnt... i guess its true what they say... you cant change a person... but i loved her so much that i forgave her... not for the cheating but for being a bitch and stuff... omg.. if you guys only knew the shit i went through... but i guess i didnt realize till it was over... now a week later... i dont care anymore.. everyone tells me that i deserve better .... even to this day she still blames me for breaking up and that its my fault... heh.. she can think what she wants... i gave her all the love i had and she threw it back in my face... i could never forgive her for that.

4 Souls | Give me your soul

[30 Dec 2004|03:23pm]
hmmm... i deleted my last journal entry.. for some reasons...i dont know... well sucks for me... i have to work on new years eve going on to new years day!!! in other words.. i work 6pm to 3AM!!!! sucks cuz i have no one to do the count down with or spend the happy new year with... stupid work... brenda went to corpus for the weekend so i wont be able to see her till sunday.. so this weekend will suck.
2 Souls | Give me your soul

just here [12 Dec 2004|01:44pm]
well well... looks like i have to go cut the grass in a lil bit... :/ bah im all sore right now... i did like 50 push ups non-stop last night.. eehh... but yea.. at the concert i got some compliments that i looked buff and stuff... so that really made my day just hearing that my push ups arent going to waste.
last night i was at brendas house and we were watching a mooovie... the punisher... i had seen it before.. its good. i think today we are gonna go to the movies.. i dont know what we are gonna see. and plus i need money from me mama... she better give me money cuz my dad gave her 400 dollars in child support.. from that i should get like 60 at least or something.. but no.. i always get 20 ... :/ but yea that sucks. well i have to go cut the grass already.. bye
Give me your soul

oOoOoOo [10 Dec 2004|03:50pm]
meh we got back together... i went to the band concert last night it was cool seeing everyone again. im here at school "alternative" and got like 5mins till next period. hmmmm...what else... thats it..
1 Soul | Give me your soul

............................... [06 Dec 2004|12:05am]
i dont know what to do.. i broke up with her and i told her how i felt... but she dosent wanna tell me how she feels.. and she kept on saying. "so whats going to happend.." and i was like... well i dont know.. i just feel like this.. and told her... if only in knew what she was thinking. she told me and she is depressed now or something .. i dont know if that was sopose to make me feel bad or something.. but i dont know.. we are going to talk tommorow.
3 Souls | Give me your soul

BAd NewS [04 Dec 2004|12:54am]
well the good news first... i dyed my hair BROWN!! haha. yea it looks good i think.. but i think im gonna get highlights.... whooo... ok now for the bad...

when me and brenda first went out... it was bad ass... we went to the movies ... kicked back at her house.. just holding each other and just chillen ya know? well she didnt really bother me with the kid and stuff. but soon i guess she got to know me too well.. like.. i guess i can only discribe it as walk over me. hmmm... mabey thats not the phrase im looking for... oh well. so anyways.. we always argue about stupid stuff and she takes things seriously... if you know me well.. you know i joke around alot and stuff... plus i think she was controlling alot.. bah.. anywhoo the point is that i lost feelings for her so tommrow im gonna tell her. i guess im trying to say is that shes not my type.. yea the baby too i think even though i dont wanna admit it.... i just hope she dosent take it to the heart and never talk to me agian. :/

p.s i just dont wanna be lonely agian... :(
3 Souls | Give me your soul

meh :/ [03 Dec 2004|11:44am]
[ mood | confused ]

ok i deleted the last entrie... yea i did over react a lil... but i know why. when shit bothers me or shit happends to me i dont say anything or even express much feelings twoards it. so after awhile it just piles up and up. so when the lil incodent happend, i guess it just sparked up the pile. but when it was over, i told her that i was just blowing off steam. so if you are still wonderijng who im going out with .... fine ill tell ill tell... its brenda.. there... now come on i know you peoplle have shit to say so say it. people tell me things like " omg you can do way better" and "why her? she has a kid and stuff". ok ill admit her kid bothers me a lil cuz its not mine. hah. but i have mixed feelings about her. :/ so i dont know weather to break up with her now.. or just see ho0w things go. hmmm... i dont know what to do! she likes me alot... i dont want to hurt her.. its bad enough... bah.. i think i led her on.. dam it.. help.

6 Souls | Give me your soul

love is blind [02 Dec 2004|03:16pm]
[ mood | happy ]

whoa... long time since ive been here. where to start.... ok lets start at thanksgiving..

alex came along with me and my mom and brother. we went to my grandmas house and ate there where cynthia later joined us. it was nice i guess... i didnt eat much.. lately i havent been eating much.. i dont know.. after my grandmas house.. i went to my other grandmas house where my dad was at. alot of people were there. all my family mostly. i didnt stay there much, after that i came home and the day ended pretty well.

so now im here.. ive got a secret to say.. i dont know if i should say.. ok ok. so a week ago i was hangout with one of my freinds.. i went with her to a bar/club cuz her aunt was having a party for her birthday. it was cool. soon things got more... searious. turns out she likes me alot.. but there was thing BIG complication that stood in the way of me going out with her. i thought about i for a day. soon the whole thing didnt really matter to me. so here we are now going out .... its like.. we've been going out for a long time but its only been a week. we feel so comfortable with each other. i dont think my mom likes her.. :/ . she worrys about me when im with her. hmm hopefully that will change..

hey guess what.. i got a job a whataburger.. yayayayaya... i signed all the papers and got all the stuff already.. so monday i start training. they said i would be front cashier and sometimes grill.... im happy.. but i would be working from 5:30 to 11pm... making hard for me to see my girlfreind. :/
so thats pretty much the highlights... i dont think i would put out the name of the girl so dont even ask... bye

2 Souls | Give me your soul

Almost swell [28 Oct 2004|12:43am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

so school is going good. we are going to have this party on friday, hamburgers , sausages, chips and cokes and the great thing is that we wont be doing any work. yay. so cant wait for that. i havent seen many people from school since ive changed schools. it gets lonely ill admit. I think i want a girlfreind right now, but everytime time it dosent go well. So why do i bother? i dont know. ive been thinking about 2 or three people lately. Two are close freinds that ive known for a long time. one is ---- and the other is ******.. lets leave it like that for now.. i dont wanna put out thier names for personal reasons. well ----- ive known since 7th grade. But now things are more complicated.. hah.. and **** ive known for mostly all my life. i have never really had feelings for her.. but now that i dont see her as much anymore.. i get to see something diffrent.. hard to explain. I want to tell ***** that i have feelings for her.. but i dont know what response ill get. I kinda dont wanna know what she will say.. im scared of rejection.. arent we all?

ok.. well away from that.. i think friday or thursday im going to go by some computer place to go ask for a job.. im a pretty fast typer.. so thats good but the thing that will hold me back is that i dont know spanish. most jobs you have to know spanish.. stupid spanish. well my sister left back to california.. hope shes gets there ok.

i was reading some post from june and july... where i was going out with jackie.. man.. i miss her in a way.. she was cool. and we would talk for hours.. heh.. i think ive talked for hours with like every girl i know. me and brandi talked till 7 in the morning when i called her form jons house like at 1 o'clock in the morning. i talked to jackie for a long time too. i talked to kristen, steph, ruth, cythia (despite her being my cousin), and beka. i miss everyone...... if i could go back in time to my freshmen year... man.. there are so many things i would do to change the way i looked at everyting. i fucked up my grades, now im alternitive, i screwd up my life. now im paying for it now. if i had only knew then....

1 Soul | Give me your soul

BonFiRe [17 Oct 2004|01:25am]
whoo... i just got back from the bonfire.. it was ok.First i didnt have any shit to drink.. then my freind steph went to but me something... ended up being smirnoff...(however) it sucked..but hey it was something. then there was this sheep tittie contest... everyone pitched in like a dollar or sometihng.. ended up being 64 bucks... but there were only three girls.. 2 had nipples pierced.. it was ok i guess.. i saw gilber there. smoken.. then the cops came.. fucking shit got raided. we split. everyone went ot pearls house. i saw steph agian.. we hung out most of the time.. i dont know.. i was thinking to my self... ahh nevermind i wont write it here.. so anywho. sabrina, eeps, ash, luis, harvey, and other people were with me. drank and shit. then a cop came. motherfucker. it was 1 already. so we all went to whataburger all cramed in the small car. from there i came home.. oh and i found out why the bonfire got raided.. cuz some guy got stabed.. they were in a fight and one stabed another guy.. stupid. so yea it was fun.. i got to see people i hadnt seen in 2 weeeks. i saw brenda...me and her talked.. man.. so much i wanna put in here.. but scared for people to read. god.. oh well... im a lil buzzed right now.. :/ ok thats it.. im off.. bye.
1 Soul | Give me your soul

will i find someone to cuddle with? [09 Oct 2004|12:55am]
[ mood | rejected ]

i feel lonely right now... well there is this girl beka ...well i started to get feelings for her even though i tried not to.... but i did.. well we talked.. and she had like this crush on me... well things started to pop into my head and i was like..man i wanna be this girls "buddie". so things went on from there... she was cool with the buddie thing but we never did anything... then i found out that she started going out with some dude.. that kinds got to me cuz she didnt even tell me and here i am getting feelings for her.. i called her up and we were just talking and i was there just fucking trying not to think about it. i found out from luis..he told me and i couldnt believe it... she said it was true and i dont know... but i just want someone to be with right now..someone i can relate to and just to hang around with... not really a buddie ... more like a girfriend.. someone i can cuddle with and watch a movie or something.. someone i can call when i wanna go somewhere with them or just want to hold them in my arms and say how much i missed them. someone to tell me how much they love seeing and talking to me. will i ever find a girl like this or is it just in my head. but having buddie to mess around kinda sound nice right now... i dont know ... is it wrong to have someone just to mess around with? you tell me...

8 Souls | Give me your soul

:/ [01 Oct 2004|10:06pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

hey long time no talk eh? well alot have happendo to me since i last wrote... in school..
well in computers..there was these two girls that ive always wanted to talk to you, like as freinds.. well.. one of them just sorta talked to me first, she pretty cool. and the other one i just bearly started talking to this week. shes cool too.. we were talking about her family and stuff. well that was cool. 2 weeks ago i found out marcus was gay.. that was cool. haha. i just never knew it.. or it never hit me till he wore this shirt that said " nobody knows im gay" i was like whoa! haha.
well.. like 2 weeeks ago, this girl beka, well.. she confessed her crush to me.. its was like.. whoa, cuz i didnt really know her and here she was tell me that she had a crush on me for sometime.. but then i got to know her and found out that she is a awsome person. the other night we talked till 3 in the moring on a school night. but what is really getting me down is that i have to go to alternative..for myself really.. im a full grade behind credits. yea i know thats alot. but i have to stay in alternitave the whole year. that means i cant really see i cant really see my freinds anymore.. i would have to be with all the ghetto people.. so thats why im kinda sad right now. my mom is gonna take me to register monday.. so i think monday might be my last day... :(.. well thats my news for right now... and i dont feel like writing anymore..

3 Souls | Give me your soul

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